A man accused of beating a pensioner to death with a marble rolling pin has told a court he was "set up" by police.

Georgina Edmonds, 77, was found dead at her home near Eastleigh, Hampshire, in 2008.
A conversation between Matthew Hamlen and his mother was secretly recorded by police while he was in custody, his trial at Winchester Crown Court heard.
It is alleged he tried to get her to find him an alibi through a false entry in a friend's diary.
Mr Hamlen, from Bishopstoke, is accused of torturing Mrs Edmonds for her bank pin number. He denies her murder.
The prosecution claims DNA and telephone evidence places him at the scene, but he has repeatedly denied the killing.
There was a heated exchange in the courtroom as Mr Hamlen faced a string of accusations in relation to the recorded conversation with his mother.
Prosecutor Michael Bowes QC said: "There's only one reason why your DNA was on Georgina Edmonds' blouse and on the rolling pin, that's because you killed her didn't you?"
"No I didn't," Mr Hamlen replied.
Mr Bowes said: "You tried to use your mother to make a false alibi, with the false diary entry didn't you?"
"I didn't use my mother, no," Mr Hamlen said.
He later added: "If you hadn't sneakily recorded a conversation between me and my mum and tried to set me up....this never would have come out.
"I did not do this."
Mr Bowes said: "You got caught out in a lie, didn't you?"
"I didn't get caught out at all," Mr Hamlen replied.
"What you've been trying to do throughout is to conceal your true behaviour," Mr Bowes said.
"I thought the police were lying to me...I asked them 27 times, explain this to me," Mr Hamlen said.
Mr Bowes replied: "There's only one person who's lying Mr Hamlen, and that's you. No further questions."
The 36-year-old is on trial for murder for a second time after being acquitted of the same crime in 2012.
The trial continues.


Almost a year since the new-style directly-elected Police and Crime Commissioners (PCC) came into office, some of them are clearly making their mark.

One of the first things to strike Staffordshire's incoming PCC, Matthew Ellis, was the escalating cost to his force of dealing with people with mental illnesses.
He tells us: "When you get a couple of police officers taken off an entire shift simply to look after an individual who hasn't committed a crime and is simply ill, but still sees the inside of a police cell with two police officers checking them to make sure they're ok, it's not the right use of resources and it's certainly not something police officers are qualified to do."
What he is not saying is that it is never the job of the police to intervene, especially out of hours, when mental health-related incidents require urgent and decisive action.
But he is convinced that the police are all too often the agency of last resort when ideally other caring services might have prevented problems escalating to crisis-levels requiring the services of the police.
And inevitably at a time when the police are having to make ever more stringent savings, there is mounting concern about the cost of dealing with people who are mentally ill, estimated at nearly Â£1m in Staffordshire alone last year.
In 2012, the force attended 15,000 incidents and arrested 169 people solely for the purpose of mental health assessments.
But the cost argument works both ways. If Mr Ellis wants NHS teams to take more active roles upfront, they too would need to be funded to do so.
Would he and his fellow PCCs be prepared to contribute to a single pot of money to make this happen?
The North Staffordshire Combined NHS Trust tell us they work closely with the police in custody facilities to help officers deal with mentally ill detainees. But inevitably, they have strict budget limits of their own.
But it's not just the cost or the resources that worry Matthew Ellis.
His other big concern is that when mentally ill people fall through the gaps in the system and into the hands of the police, their paraphernalia of handcuffs and custody cells is not exactly the kind of therapeutic response these unfortunate people really need.
Staffordshire's Mental Health Review, commissioned by Mr Ellis, makes 12 main recommendations. Among them:
Mr Ellis will be with me in the studio for this week's Sunday Politics from 11:00 BST on BBC One.
This is by way of a co-production with our colleagues on Inside Out Midlands who have been out on patrol with Staffordshire Police to experience some of the challenging realities confronting them out on the ground.
See their findings exclusively on Inside Out with Mary Rhodes at 19.30 on BBC One on Monday.


One of five books will be named Costa Book of the Year on 27 January.

Previously called the Whitbread award, the prize is worth Â£30,000 and aims to honour outstanding books by authors based in the UK and Ireland.
The winner will be one of those that won the prize's individual awards - for novel, first novel, biography, poetry and children's book - on 5 January.
Nick Higham spoke to four of the winning authors for the BBC News channel's Meet the Authors strand.
The fifth, Ali Smith, declined to be interviewed, though she did speak to the Costa awards' organisers.
Edwards, a teacher from South Wales, won the Costa poetry prize for My Family and Other Superheroes, which features comedic verse about Evel Knievel, Sophia Loren and a recalcitrant hippo.
The poet revealed to Higham that some of his work had been inspired by episodes of animated sitcom The Simpsons, but admitted he had never taught his students about his poems.
Former bookbinder Healey won the debut novel prize for Elizabeth Is Missing, about a woman in her 80s who tries to solve the mystery of her sister's disappearance while struggling with memory loss.
The author, who is also a budding animator, told Higham she had been thinking about dementia "for a while" and revealed she deliberately wrote her novel out of sequence.
Poet and historian Macdonald won the biography prize for H is for Hawk, a memoir about how becoming a falconer helped her come to terms with her father's death.
Macdonald, whose book also won the Samuel Johnson Prize for Non-Fiction, told Higham she had had an "astonishing" year and said she had often been "brought to tears" by her readers' own stories of grief and bereavement.
Journalist and broadcaster Saunders won the Costa children's prize for Five Children and the Western Front, a reworking of E Nesbit's 1902 children's classic Five Children and It.
"When you add the First World War it becomes a different story," she told Higham, insisting she had not tried to "consciously ape" Nesbit's writing style.
Scottish author Smith, a previous recipient of the Whitbread novel of the year prize, was made a CBE in the New Year's Honours shortly before receiving the Costa novel award for How To Be Both.
The book tells of a grieving 15-year-old girl in the present day and Francesco del Cossa, a long-forgotten 15th Century Renaissance artist.


Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan has warned the Netherlands it will "pay the price" for harming ties after two of his ministers were barred.

The two ministers were blocked from addressing Turkish voters in Rotterdam on Saturday, with one of them escorted to the German border.
The Dutch government said such rallies would stoke tensions days before the Netherlands' general election.
Turkey's ties with several EU countries have become strained over the rallies.
The rallies aim to increase support among Turks living in Europe who are eligible to vote in a referendum on expanding Turkish presidential powers.
Fatma Betul Sayan Kaya, Turkey's family minister, had arrived in Rotterdam by road on Saturday, but was denied entry to the consulate and taken to the German border by Dutch police.
Foreign Minister Mevlut Cavusoglu tried to fly in but was refused entry.
Several EU countries have been drawn into the row over the rallies:
Mr Erdogan accused countries in the West of "Islamophobia" and demanded international organisations impose sanctions on the Netherlands.
"I have said that I had thought that Nazism was over, but that I was wrong. Nazism is alive in the West," he said.
He thanked France for allowing Mr Cavusoglu to travel to Metz to address a rally.
The Netherlands' Prime Minister Mark Rutte has demanded Mr Erdogan apologise for likening the Dutch to "Nazi fascists".
"This country was bombed during the Second World War by Nazis. It's totally unacceptable to talk in this way."
Mr Erdogan's comments were "completely unacceptable", and the Netherlands would have to consider its response if Turkey continued on its current path, he added.
The Dutch government is facing a severe electoral challenge from the anti-Islam party of Geert Wilders in its election on Wednesday.
Reports say the owner of a venue in the Swedish capital, Stockholm, has also cancelled a pro-Erdogan rally on Sunday that was to have been attended by Turkey's agriculture minister.
Sweden's foreign ministry said it was not involved in the decision and that the event could take place elsewhere.
Turkey is holding a referendum on 16 April on whether to turn from a parliamentary to a presidential republic, more akin to the United States.
If successful, it would give sweeping new powers to the president, allowing him or her to appoint ministers, prepare the budget, choose the majority of senior judges and enact certain laws by decree.
What's more, the president alone would be able to announce a state of emergency and dismiss parliament.
There are 5.5 million Turks living outside the country, with 1.4 million eligible voters in Germany alone - and the Yes campaign is keen to get them on side.
So a number of rallies have been planned for countries with large numbers of eligible voters, including Germany, Austria and the Netherlands.
Many of the countries, including Germany, have cited security concerns as the official reason.
Austrian Foreign Minister Sebastian Kurz said Mr Erdogan was not welcome to hold rallies as this could increase friction and hinder integration.
Many European nations have also expressed deep disquiet about Turkey's response to the July coup attempt and the country's perceived slide towards authoritarianism under President Erdogan.
Germany in particular has been critical of the mass arrests and purges that followed - with nearly 100,000 civil servants removed from their posts.


Breaking Bad spin-off Better Call Saul has been nominated for three Writers Guild of America (WGA) awards for its critically acclaimed debut season.

The AMC show, which is built around the shady lawyer character Bob Odenkirk played in Breaking Bad, is up for the drama series and new series awards.
Its launch episode, meanwhile, also has a nod in the episodic drama category.
Game of Thrones, Veep and the final season of Mad Men are also in line for awards, to be given out on 13 February.
Mr Robot, another show to have launched this year, also has nominations in the drama series and new series categories.
The show, which initially premiered online, tells of a young computer programmer who joins a team of so-called "hactivists".
Cold War drama The Americans is also up for the drama series award, alongside Game of Thrones, Mad Men, Mr Robot and Better Call Saul.
Political satire Veep's competition in the comedy series category includes Transparent, Amazon's series about a retired professor who "comes out" as transgender.
Veep has an additional nomination in the episodic comedy category for Joint Session, the first instalment in its most recent season.
Breaking Bad, which told of a teacher who turned to crime after being diagnosed with cancer, won six awards from the WGA over the course of its six years on air.
The Writers Guild recognises achievements in the writing of US TV, radio, news and animation, rather than actors or directors.


Wycombe Wanderers have re-signed winger Paris Cowan-Hall on loan from Millwall until the end of the season.

Cowan-Hall, 25, left Adams Park a year ago, but has played just 11 games in total for the Lions, 10 from the bench.
He had a month with Bristol Rovers at the end of last year, making three appearances without scoring.
"We're delighted to have Paris back with us. We all know what he brings to the team," Chairboys manager Gareth Ainsworth told the club website.
"He's the type of player to get the fans on their feet, running at defenders and creating chances, and I've no doubt that he can recapture the form that he showed us during his first spell."
The London-born forward began his career at Portsmouth and moved to Wycombe after stints with Grimsby, Scunthorpe, Rushden & Diamonds, Woking and Plymouth.


A parcel that led to the evacuation of the Falkirk Stadium on Saturday turned out to be a box of chocolates.

The ground was cleared soon after Falkirk's 3-1 victory over Queen of the South due to the discovery of an unattended package.
The forgotten chocolates were in a bag, wrapped in gift paper.
"A police expert attended the Falkirk Stadium and the package was declared safe," read a statement from the Championship club.


Former Tottenham and Fulham forward Clint Dempsey has undergone a procedure to address an irregular heartbeat.

The USA captain has been undergoing medical evaluations since last month, his club Seattle Sounders revealed.
The 33-year-old, who spent seven years playing in England, returned to training with Seattle on Wednesday.
"You can't just say, 'Clint's important to us'. You have to mean it. And that means Clint's health comes first," said Seattle general manager Garth Lagerwey.
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Swindon manager Mark Cooper is hoping Yaser Kasim receives an international call-up for Iraq so that Town's game with Chesterfield is postponed.

Robins duo Massimo Luongo and Brad Smith have already been named in the 20-man Australia squad for games with Belgium and Saudi Arabia in September.
Town can appeal for a postponement of their game on 6 September if a third player is called up.
"We're praying Iraq call Yaser up so we can get the game off," said Cooper.
He told BBC Wiltshire: "We're losing two big players out of our team but you need three for it to be rearranged.
"It's a little bit unfair that we're going to have to go into our game without two of our key players, but we knew that when we signed them."
Midfielder Luongo was part of the Socceroos squad at the World Cup in Brazil and has one full cap, while Sydney-born Smith, on loan at Swindon from Liverpool, has yet to play for his country.
Australia face Belgium in Liege on 4 September before travelling to Fulham's Craven Cottage to play Saudi Arabia four days later.
Baghdad-born midfielder Kasim has made one appearance for Iraq, who have a friendly against Peru in Dubai on 5 September.
Swindon's League One rivals MK Dons have already had their game with Sheffield United on 6 September postponed because of their international call-ups.


Two students from a top university arrested for allegedly shouting "anti-India" slogans have been granted bail.

Umar Khalid and Anirban Bhattacharya, charged with "sedition" along with student leader Kanhaiya Kumar, received six months' bail from a Delhi court.
They were arrested after a rally against the execution of a Kashmiri separatist who was convicted over the 2001 Indian parliament attack.
The arrests sparked massive protests across India.
Many accused the government of cracking down on dissent.
The government defended the arrests, saying the students from Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU) supported the Kashmiri separatist movement and the break-up of India.
All the students deny the allegations against them.
Mr Kumar was freed on bail earlier in March, and returned to JNU soon after, where he made a fiery speech that went viral.
Critics have condemned the charges against the students as an assault on freedom of expression, but government ministers have refused to back down, vowing to punish what they describe as "anti-national elements".
The 9 February rally that prompted the arrests was to mark the third anniversary of the 2013 hanging of Mohammed Afzal Guru.
Kanhaiya Kumar: India's most loved and loathed student
What nationalism means to Indian 'sedition' students
Guru was one of those convicted of plotting the 2001 parliament attack - charges he always denied.
The attack, which left 14 people dead, was blamed on Pakistan-based militants fighting Indian rule in Kashmir.
India's sedition law dates back to 1870, introduced by the British to hit back at anti-colonial movements.
Some of the country's leading independence leaders, including Mahatma Gandhi, were tried under the infamous law.
The sedition law has rarely been upheld by India's courts. But anyone charged under the law cannot apply for bail immediately and so can be instantly imprisoned.
"The question of how much criticism a government can tolerate is indicative of the self-confidence of a democracy," writes Lawrence Liang in an article for The Wire.
"On that count, India presents a mixed picture where, on the one hand, we regularly see the use of sedition laws to curtail political criticism even as we find legal precedents that provide a wide ambit to political expression."


The Bank of Scotland has announced plans to introduce plastic £5 and £10 banknotes.

The bank said its next notes would be printed on polymer, replacing the cotton paper used for notes currently in issue.
The notes will be slightly smaller and will reuse the existing Bank of Scotland designs.
A one-off limited edition £5 note will be issued in November and auctioned to raise money for BBC Children in Need.
The circulation will be limited to just 50. They will feature designs from the winners of a children's competition which has just been launched.
The main replacement polymer banknotes will continue to feature Sir Walter Scott and The Mound on the front and the bridges theme on the back.
The images will be "adapted and modernised" so they are suitable for polymer.
The design of the polymer £5 note will be unveiled before the end of this year, with the notes due to be issued in the second half of 2016.
It will be followed about a year later by the polymer £10 note.
The announcement follows discussions with the Bank of England, which is due to bring plastic banknotes into circulation next year.
The Bank of Scotland is one of three in Scotland authorised to issue banknotes.
Managing director Robin Bulloch said: "Bank of Scotland has been issuing banknotes for over 300 years and we take seriously our responsibility to create good quality genuine banknotes that can be used with confidence.
"Polymer notes are cleaner, more secure, and more durable than paper notes.
"They will provide enhanced counterfeit resilience, and increase the quality of Bank of Scotland notes in circulation."
In March, the Clydesdale Bank announced it was issuing two million polymer £5 notes.
The new note features an image of the Forth Bridge and has been issued to commemorate the bridge's 125th anniversary.
The note also features a portrait of Sir William Arrol, whose company constructed the bridge among many other landmarks in Scotland.


Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi's latest remark about Bangladeshi PM Sheikh Hasina's political achievements is attracting criticism and humour in equal measure on social media, reports BBC Monitoring.

"We know solution for everything, but not terrorism. I am happy that Bangladesh Prime Minister, despite being a woman, has declared zero tolerance for terrorism," the PM said in his hour-long address to Dhaka University at the weekend.
Analysts say Mr Modi may have been trying to highlight the importance of "women power" in politics, but he could have chosen better words.
His latest "gaffe" has led to the top-trending "despitebeingawoman" hashtag on Twitter.
Many Twitter users are highlighting what they have achieved "despite being a woman". While some have shown anger in their reactions, others have chosen sarcasm to comment on the situation.
But there are others who see "no harm" in Mr Modi's remarks.
Some have suggested that Mr Modi's team needs to be more careful while preparing his statements and speeches at home and abroad.
Foreign policy analysts had criticised Mr Modi's veiled criticism of China during his visit to Japan in September last year. And his remarks in South Korea last month about migration had sparked a Twitter backlash at home.
Dr Athar Zafar of the Indian Council of World Affairs, a foreign policy think tank, says Mr Modi is certainly keen on improving India's relations with the world.
"But he needs to choose his words carefully. His intentions may be right, but the message gets lost if wrong words are used," he says.
Dr Zafar adds that Mr Modi's foreign policy achievements get lost in the noise about his "politically incorrect statements".
"This is something he needs to change if he wants more Indians to talk about his foreign visits and not such gaffes," he adds.
BBC Monitoring reports and analyses news from TV, radio, web and print media around the world.  You can follow BBC Monitoring on Twitter and Facebook.


The flesh-coloured dress Marilyn Monroe wore when she breathlessly sang Happy Birthday to President John F Kennedy in 1962, is to be auctioned.

She wore it to his 45th birthday celebration at Madison Square Garden in New York, but the garment was so tight she had to be sewn into it.
Monroe died less than three months later, and the president died in 1963.
The dress was sold in 1999 for $1.26m but Julien's Auctions thinks it could fetch up to $3m (Â£2.2m) this November.
The dress, made of silk gauze and covered in thousands of rhinestone beads and sequins, will go under the hammer in Los Angeles on 17 November.
Before then, it will be on show at Mana Contemporary in Jersey City, New Jersey, and the Museum of Style Icons in Newbridge, Ireland.


A suspect in the Paris and Brussels terror attacks was handed £3,000 during a secret meeting in Birmingham months before the killings, a jury has heard.

Mohamed Abrini - the so-called "man in the hat" - came to the UK in July 2015 and was given the money in a park, Kingston Crown Court heard.
Zakaria Boufassil, 26, who is accused of handing over the cash, denies preparing for acts of terrorism.
A second man, Mohammed Ali Ahmed, has pleaded guilty to the same offence.
Abrini became known as "the man in the hat" following his suspected involvement in the Brussels terror attack in March this year, which killed 32 people at an airport and metro station, the jury heard.
Prosecuting, Max Hill QC told the court Abrini is also suspected of being connected to attacks in Paris on 13 November 2015, which killed 130 people.
Mr Hill said Abrini travelled to the UK between 9 and 16 July 2015.
He said there "can be no doubt" the money was handed over to him while in the UK "with the intention of assisting acts of terrorism".
"That much is clear from the guilty plea by Mohammed Ali Ahmed. Mr Boufassil, denies that he personally intended to assist in the preparation of terrorist acts.
"We suggest he is lying. We suggest that he was clearly acting together with Ahmed when the money was handed to Abrini," he added.
The court heard that Abrini, a Belgian citizen of Moroccan descent, arrived at Heathrow on 9 July and headed to Birmingham by coach the following day.
There was telephone contact between the men - but also technical evidence that their phones had been in close proximity.
According to analysis of mobile phone masts, during 10 July Abrini's mobile phone and those of Mr Boufassil and Ahmed were logged as being in Small Heath Park in the city.
The following day, the three phones came together again in the same location.
Mr Hill said: "You can be sure that Ahmed, Abrini and Mr Boufassil met that day - that was the handover of the money to Abrini."
The £3,000 allegedly came from a bank account set up by another man who had previously left the UK to fight with the self-styled Islamic State group (IS) in Syria.
Most of it was from benefits payments, the court heard.
"The actual use of the money handed to Abrini is not part of the offence charged," said Mr Hill.
"There is no clear evidence one way or another. If it is suggested to you that Abrini may or did use some of the cash given to him to gamble in a casino, that does not undermine the criminal offence.
"What matters is the conduct in question, the handing over of the cash to Abrini and the intention behind the handover. What they do with it is another matter."
Abrini, currently in custody, was an associate of two men believed to be responsible for the Paris attacks - Salah Abdeslam and Abdelhamid Abaaoud.
His brother had also been killed fighting in Syria for IS, the court heard.
Following the alleged handover, Abrini moved on to Manchester before flying back to Belgium from Birmingham.
He was questioned about the UK trip by Belgian investigators, the court heard.
When his phone was later seized, police found that it contained a photo of Small Heath Park.
The trial continues.


A Sufi Muslim leader has been hacked to death near the north Bangladeshi town of Rajshahi in what police say may be another attack by Islamic extremists.

The body of Mohammad Shahidullah, 65, was found by villagers in a pool of blood in a mango grove, police say.
His murder comes amid rising concern over the rise in violence against religious minorities.
A wide range of people have been attacked in recent years including secularists, bloggers and academics.
Among more than 20 people killed by Islamic militant groups are members of religious minorities, although this is believed to be the first attack on a Sufi Muslim.
Sufism is popular in rural Bangladesh but considered deviant because of its mysticism by many of the country's majority Sunni Muslims.
The cleric was a local leader with a small following. Police say they still do not know who killed him but it could be the work of Islamic extremists.
A liberal professor was killed in the same way in the same area last month.
In the most recent murders before Saturday, a Hindu tailor was killed in Tangail and a week before that leading gay rights activist Xulhaz Mannan and his friend were brutally murdered in the capital Dhaka.
So-called Islamic State have said they carried out many of the attacks, but the authorities deny the group is active in the country.
A Bangladeshi militant group affiliated to al-Qaeda, Ansar al-Islam, has also said it carried out some of the killings.
The government denies it has not done enough to stop the killings and has blamed all the attacks on opposition parties or local Islamist groups. It has been strongly criticised for not being able to prevent the violence or bring perpetrators to justice. Opposition parties deny the claims.
Bangladesh has myriad extremist groups and there have been few convictions.


A 70-year-old woman who died in a two-car crash in Pembrokeshire has been named as Glenys Morris.

Ms Morris, from Cardigan, Ceredigion, was driving her Mazda car along the A487 near Felindre Farchog on Sunday afternoon when it collided with a Volvo.
She died at the scene.
Those travelling in the other car were taken to Withybush Hospital in Haverfordwest with minor injuries.


The leader of Portsmouth City Council has said Downing Street need "to pull their finger out" over medals promised to World War II Arctic convoy veterans.

Gerald Vernon-Jackson, a Liberal Democrat, was told it would take eight months to mint the medals but does not accept it can take that long.
He is concerned elderly veterans would not live to see their medals awarded to them and has written to David Cameron.
A Downing Street spokesman was unavailable for comment.
Mr Vernon-Jackson said there needed to "be a sense of urgency" as "people have been waiting since 1945 for this medal".
"They need to pull their finger out and get a move on, it cannot take eight months," he said of Downing Street.
More than 3,000 seamen died over four years from 1941 on missions to deliver supplies to ports in the Soviet Union.
Winston Churchill described the convoys as the most dangerous of the war.
The service was not recognised with a medal and the veterans were unable to lobby for honours after the war because Russia became an enemy.
But in December, Mr Cameron told the Commons he had accepted an expert review's recommendation that an Arctic star medal should finally be minted.
Mr Vernon-Jackson said there were about 400 Arctic convoy veterans still alive but that most would be in their late 80s and 90s.
In his letter to Mr Cameron, Mr Vernon-Jackson said: "I am very conscious that the veterans who will receive these medals are becoming increasingly old.
"Every week before the award of the medals puts them at risk of not being able to receive the medals they so richly deserve."
Veterans have received recognition from the Russian government but have yet to be honoured by the British government.


The funeral of Uzbekistan's President Islam Karimov, who died after a stroke this week aged 78, has taken place in the city of Samarkand.

Thousands lined the streets in both Samarkand and in Tashkent, from where his coffin was earlier flown.
Karimov, one of Asia's most autocratic leaders, ruled for 27 years, and was accused by human rights groups of harshly repressing dissent.
Saturday's funeral comes amid uncertainty over who will succeed him.
The event in Samarkand - Karimov's home city - was overseen by Prime Minister Shavkat Mirziyoyev. Mr Mirziyoyev has been in office since 2003. His deputy, Rustam Azimov, is also seen as a key player.
Three days of mourning are being observed.
The climate of fear that Islam Karimov created prevails. Many citizens of Uzbekistan are reluctant to talk about him, even now he is dead.
I met a group of Uzbek construction workers in Shymkent, Kazakhstan, just across the border.
They greeted me with a smile, which quickly faded after they heard I wanted to talk about the latest developments in their home country. They refused to give me an interview.
"I can be detained by the SNB [security services] when I go home if I talk to you," one worker said.
Finally, I found a man who agreed to speak. "No pictures or names!" he warned. "The most important thing is that for 25 years he kept the peace," he said.
On Saturday, a funeral cortege carried the president's body to Tashkent airport.
His wife Tatyana Karimova and younger daughter Lola Karimova-Tillyaeva, dressed in black and wearing headscarves, were shown in tears as the coffin was loaded on to a plane for the short flight to Samarkand.
Uzbek state TV then showed footage of mourners carrying Karimov's coffin through Samarkand's historic Registan square.
Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev and the presidents of ex-Soviet states Tajikistan and Turkmenistan were among those attending.
Mr Mirziyoyev said at the funeral: "Our people and Uzbekistan have suffered an irreplaceable loss. Death took from our midst the founder of the state of Uzbekistan, a great and dear son of our people."
After a mufti said funeral prayers in Registan square to the all-male mourners, the president's body was taken to be buried at the Hazrati Hizir mosque.
Karimov's other daughter, Gulnara, once seen as a possible successor but now believed to be under house arrest, was not seen at the ceremony.
News of Karimov's death was finally confirmed after several foreign leaders and diplomatic sources reported it on Friday, following days of rumours that he had already died.
US President Barack Obama said in a statement the US remained "committed to partnership with Uzbekistan, to its sovereignty, security, and to a future based on the rights of all its citizens. for the people of Uzbekistan".
Expressing his condolences in a statement (in Russian), Russian President Vladimir Putin described Mr Karimov as a statesman "who had contributed to the security and stability of Central Asia" and who would be a "great loss for the people of Uzbekistan".
A United Nations report has described the use of torture under Mr Karimov as "systematic".
The late leader often justified his strong-arm tactics by highlighting the danger from Islamist militancy in the mainly Muslim country, which borders Afghanistan.
Population 28.1 million
Area 447,400 sq km (172,700 sq miles)
Major languages Uzbek, Russian, Tajik
Major religion Islam
Life expectancy 66 years (men), 72 years (women)
Currency  Uzbek som
Anna Neistat, a senior director of research with Amnesty International, told the BBC the late leader had repressed dissent unchallenged by the international community.
"For years and years Karimov was shutting down any type of opposition, throwing in jail anybody who he believed could challenge the regime," she said.
During a crackdown in the eastern city of Andijan in 2005, hundreds of people were killed.
After a wave of car bombs targeted Tashkent in 1999, Mr Karimov said: "I am ready to rip off the heads of 200 people, to sacrifice their lives, for the sake of peace and tranquillity in the country. If a child of mine chose such a path, I myself would rip off his head."
His followers argued that curbs on freedom were a small price to pay for law and order.


A Saudi writer who has called for political reform is reported to have been sentenced to four years in prison.

Zuhair Kutbi's lawyer and son said half the sentence was suspended, but that he was also banned from writing for 15 years and travelling abroad for five, and fined $26,600 (Â£17,900).
It is not clear on what charges Mr Kutbi was found guilty.
He is believed to have been detained in July after saying Saudi Arabia should become a constitutional monarchy on TV.
The 62-year-old is the latest in a string of human rights activists, reformists, journalists, and dissidents to have been jailed in the Gulf state.
Before Monday, Mr Kutbi had been sentenced to months in prison and fined at least three times since the 1990s for calling for reforms and criticising prison conditions in Saudi Arabia, according to Amnesty International.
He had also reportedly been made to sign a pledge not to discuss public issues with the written or broadcast media, or on his social media accounts.
However, during an appearance on the satellite TV channel Rotana Khaleejia on 22 June, Mr Kutbi spoke about "what he regarded as necessary reforms in Saudi Arabia, including transforming the country into a constitutional monarchy and combating religious and political repression", Human Rights Watch said.
The comments attracted considerable attention on social media, and on 15 July security officers arrested Mr Kutbi at his home in the city of Mecca.
On 10 August, HRW said Mr Kutbi was being held without charge, but that investigators had suggested to members of his family that he might face trial for inciting public opinion, insulting the judiciary, or offending symbols of the state.
Mr Kutbi's lawyer, Ibrahim al-Midaymiq, and his son Jameel confirmed his latest prison sentence in separate posts on Twitter on Monday, but gave no other details.


The last time we won the Eurovision Song Contest was way back in 1997.

27 February 2016 Last updated at 12:03 GMT
We have actually won it five times, but since the 90s we've failed to make an impact.
The voting system for picking the UK's entry is changing this year.
Radio 1Xtra presenter, Nick Bright, shares his thoughts with Newsround.


Three-time Indonesian champions Mitra Kukar have announced that a deal is in place to sign former Mali, Liverpool, PSG and Valencia midfielder Mohamed Sissoko on a one-year contract.

The 32-year-old, who has previously played in China and India, is expected to join once he passes his medical and could be eligible for Mitra's second league game of the season against PSM at home next weekend.
He becomes the fourth former English Premier League star to move to Indonesia after Michael Essien, Carlton Cole and Peter Odemwingie.
Mitra will become Sissoko's third club in less than six months after he parted ways with Indian side Pune City in December and then had his contract with Italian second-tier side Ternana terminated after only three weeks due to negative attitude.
Sissoko played for Liverpool between 2005 and 2008, and was a key part in the Reds side that lifted the English FA Cup back in 2006.
He made 87 appearances for Liverpool before joining Italian giants Juventus in January 2008 then switched to French club PSG two years later where he won the league title in 2013.
After a short stint with Chinese side Shanghai Shenhua, he spent two weeks on trial with West Brom in August 2016 but moved to India after failing to secure a deal with The Baggies.
Mitra becomes his eleventh professional club having won the Spanish league title, Uefa Cup and Super Cup in 2004 with Valencia.
Sissoko made 34 appearances for Mali scoring twice and appeared at the 2004, 2008, 2010 and 2013 African Cup of Nations tournaments.


Pregnant women are being advised by Public Health England to consider postponing non-essential trips to the US state of Florida, amid concerns over the Zika virus.

Its travel advice was updated after Florida confirmed four cases of the virus transmitted by local mosquitoes.
Previous US cases have been connected to people who caught the virus abroad.
Zika causes only a mild illness in most people, but the virus has been linked to severe brain defects in newborns.
The US Center for Disease Control does not expect a widespread outbreak of Zika in the country, but says it is preparing for small clusters of infections.
Florida has announced more aggressive mosquito-control efforts, and politicians are keen to assure tourists the state is safe to visit.
Paul Cosford, medical director and director of health protection at Public Health England, said the risk in Florida was considered "moderate", based on the number of cases and control measures in place.
"Pregnant women are advised to consider postponing non-essential travel until after pregnancy.
"Advice to all travellers remains to avoid mosquito bites."
He said Public Health England was monitoring the international situation closely.
The advice from Public Health England is based on a list of countries and territories with current active Zika virus transmission as classified by the European Centre for Disease Control.
Florida is listed as having a moderate risk rating for the Zika virus, along with Guinea-Bissau, Indonesia and the Philippines.
Many more areas, including a number of countries in south and central America and the Caribbean, are categorised as being "high" risk.
In those countries, the advice is for pregnant women to postpone non-essential travel, rather than just considering postponing.
Health Protection Scotland has also updated its advice for travellers following the confirmation of the Zika cases in Florida, while links to Public Health England's guidance are provided on the websites of Public Health Wales and Northern Ireland's Public Health Agency.
In terms of the UK, Professor Cosford said more than 50 cases had been diagnosed since January, but the risk to the UK remained unchanged.
He said a small number of Zika virus infections in travellers returning to the UK was to be expected, but the risk to the wider population was "very low" as the mosquito that spread the virus was not found in the UK.
He added: "If you have recently returned from an area where Zika virus transmissions are currently reported and have a fever or flu-like illness, seek medical attention without delay to exclude malaria and mention your recent travel."


General David Petraeus, one of the United States' most prominent military officers, has indicated he would be willing to serve in President-elect Donald Trump's administration if asked.

Speaking to BBC Radio 4's Today programme, he said: "The only response can be: 'yes, Mr President'."
Gen Petraeus resigned as CIA director in 2012 following an extramarital affair with his biographer.
It later emerged he had shared classified material with her.
He served as a senior officer under Presidents Bush and Obama. He was the commander of US and Nato forces in Afghanistan, before retiring from the military to take the top position in the Central Intelligence Agency.
Asked if he thought Mr Trump had the correct temperament to be the US President, he said: "It's up to Americans at this point in time not only to hope that that is the case, but if they can, endeavour to help him."
He then indicated he would personally serve under Mr Trump if asked.
"If you're asked, you've got to serve - put aside any reservations based on campaign rhetoric... and figure out what's best for the country," he said.
"I've been in a position before where a president has turned to me in the Oval Office in a difficult moment, without any pleasantries, and said 'I'm asking you as your president and Commander in Chief to take command of the international security force in Afghanistan.'
"The only response can be: 'yes, Mr President,'" he continued.
A number of media outlets have linked the retired general with positions in the new administration.
A report in The Guardian last week linked Gen Petraeus to the race for secretary of state, citing diplomatic sources.
Mr Trump has been putting together his administration made up of friends, family, and former rivals - but several key positions, including secretary of state, remain open.
General Petraeus was indirectly critical of some of Donald Trump's rhetoric during the presidential election campaign, describing the president elect's anti-Muslim comments as toxic.
However, he said he had heard good things from those who have been speaking with Mr Trump since the election result.
"It's interesting that those who have been talking to him have said, you know, he's very personable, very hospitable, very gracious guy, full of questions and dialogue," he said.
He also suggested that Mr Trump could forge closer ties with Russia, comparing his political position to that of President Nixon's overtures to China in the 1970s.
"Only Nixon could have gone to China. Anyone else would have been criticised from the right," he said.
"I think that the current president would have been criticised from the right had he tried some of the kinds of outreach that, in fact, President-elect Trump may pursue."
But he warned that any such outreach should be attempted "with your eyes wide open".


Championship side Cornish Pirates have signed Plymouth Albion back row Rupert Cooper on a one-year contract.

The 29-year-old spent five years in the second tier with Nottingham before joining Albion last summer.
"Given the philosophy and culture that the coaches have created, for me the decision to join is a perfect fit," he told the club website.
"The Pirates are clearly ambitious both on and off the field and I can't wait to get started."


Munster have signed South African lock Jean Kleyn on a three-year contract.

The move will see Stormers player Kleyn link up with his former defence coach at the province, Jacques Nienaber, who has joined Munster's backroom team.
Munster's new director of rugby, South African Rassie Erasmus, said Kleyn, 22, is a "hugely exciting prospect".
"I've seen his development first hand and with Jacques' extensive knowledge of him we are all up to speed on how Jean can contribute," said Erasmus.
"A naturally athletic player we believe he will add further value to the pack and we look forward to welcoming him to Munster."
Kleyn, who is 6ft 8in, made his debut for Western Province in 2012 before beginning his Stormers career two years ago.
The lock has made 17 appearances for the Stormers in addition to playing 22 times for Western Province.


Banking giant Barclays has no plans to move jobs out of the UK following the vote to leave the European Union, chief executive Jes Staley has said.

Barclays is "staying anchored in Great Britain" he told BBC business editor Simon Jack.
Some banks have warned that the Brexit vote may affect jobs.
But Mr Staley said: "Right now we are not making any plans to pick up and move people from one location to another."
That said, Barclays "wants to be involved in the capital markets globally" and wants to "stay connected to the European capital markets".
The bank will aim to take on new employees if access to Europe is restricted by Brexit, he said.
"You might have to increase your presence in another location - that doesn't necessarily mean you have to decrease [at] your location here," Mr Staley said.
"We saw the one of the biggest one day declines in global wealth in history and the financial system worked fine".
That was Barclays chief executive Jes Staley's stoic reflection on Friday's $2.5 trillion market reaction to the UK's vote to leave the EU, which he said caught him and the markets by surprise.
Barclay's own shares lost nearly a third of their value last Friday. A rout he put down to fears that a political upheaval could lead to an economic downturn.
Now the market storm has subsided, many shares, excluding the bank's, have regained lost ground, and the focus moves on to the real economy and the impact on investment and jobs.
Several of Barclays neighbours in Canary Wharf have said jobs may move to Europe.
HSBC ruled out moving its global HQ from the UK but has said 1,000 jobs may go to Paris.
American bank JP Morgan has said up to 4,000 of its 16,000 UK workforce may be relocated.
Mr Staley was keen to emphasise that Barclays was a British bank that will remain anchored in Britain and although he conceded Barclays might set up a subsidiary in Europe, it wouldn't necessarily be at the expense of UK jobs.
As an American in the UK he drew parallels between the Brexit vote and the political landscape in his home country.
"There is definitely something going on here and in the USâ€¦ the establishment needs to hear the narrative that globalisation and free trade is not working for the man on the street".
Major banks such as Barclays, JP Morgan and Goldman Sachs employ thousands of people in the UK.
One of the reasons these banks find the UK so attractive is so-called "passporting" - their being able to employ people in one EU country, and offer services in another.
But there is a fear that banks in the UK could lose this right following the vote to leave the EU.
After the vote to leave, shares in banks including Barclays and RBS plummeted by around 30%.
Barclays shares are still trading around 20% down.
Mr Staley said: "Bank stocks took a real hit."
He said one of underlying factors in the drop were "a sense that the political crisis will lead to an economic crisis".
"I'm not sure that's true, but I think underlying there's this view that there may be a UK recession, and as a British bank we would be vulnerable to that."


In his first interview, a teenager paralysed as he tried to escape bullies describes what happened to Newsbeat.

In the corner of a busy hospital ward, tucked behind a curtain for our arrival, lies Joshua Davies.
His face is alert and he's talkative, but take a look down the bed and you can see both his feet and his left hand in casts.
A month ago, Joshua fell from a bridge near his home in Pontypridd, fracturing his spine in four places.
The reason for the fall? According to Joshua, it was to get away from bullies.
He told Newsbeat: "I can remember speaking on the phone to the ambulance telling them 'I can't move my legs'.
"They put me on a spinal board, and that's all I can remember from it."
Joshua's family said police had been contacted 15 times about attacks on the teenager, who has Asperger's syndrome.
South Wales Police said it had carried out "a thorough investigation" into assault complaints and had arrested and bailed three teenagers.
The family claims the teenager has been bullied for the last five years, targeted because of his disability, which is a form of autism.
"Josh has never really had an identity as such, he's a good lad, he's a pleaser, he would do anything for anyone," said his mother Cheryl Davies.
"Because of the Asperger's Joshua struggles with social cues.
"When people confront him, if they're nice to him, Joshua thinks they want to be his friend. Which isn't always the case."
"He's slowly getting there, and it is giving him a few setbacks when he has those reality checks, although he's trying to stay positive."
During his time in hospital, Joshua has had lots of visitors but said it's still hard to take his mind off what happened.
"I've got family to come up and see me and friends, and I've got things to entertain me.
"But when I am on my own I'm just thinking 'I am lucky to have survived and carry on with my life'."
"I was going to be studying electrical engineering, but if I'm not able to stand up I'm going to have to find another course because I won't be able to use the machinery."
Follow @BBCNewsbeat on Twitter and Radio1Newsbeat on YouTube


Hair belonging to a teenage mother believed to have been murdered in 1991 was found inside a tent owned by one of her alleged killers, a court has heard.

One of the strands was 900 million times more likely to have come from Nicola Payne than someone she was not related to, a jury was told.
Prosecutors allege the 18-year-old was abducted as she crossed wasteland to her parents' house in Coventry.
Nigel Barwell and his brother-in-law, Thomas O'Reilly, deny murder.
Three hairs from Miss Payne - as well as a single hair asserted to be from Mr O'Reilly - were identified during forensic tests conducted last year on a tent found near a river five days after her disappearance, Birmingham Crown Court heard.
Opening the case against the Coventry defendants, Andrew Smith QC said instructions for the tent were found inside Barwell's Ford Capri in December 1991.
He said the teenager's journey across the patch of land, known as the Black Pad, should have taken a few minutes.
"The prosecution case is that Nicola Payne was abducted as she walked across the waste ground," he said.
"At some point thereafter she was was murdered and her body disposed of."
The court heard Mr Barwell, of Copperas Street, and Mr O'Reilly, of Ribble Road, are now aged 51 but were both 27 at the time of her disappearance, on 14 December.
They were first arrested three days after Ms Payne, who had a seven-month-old son, Owen, with her boyfriend Jason Cook, disappeared.
Mr Smith told the jury that Mr Barwell had "tried it on" with Ms Payne in a pub two months before she vanished.
The court heard that on 14 December 1991 a dog walker on Black Pad heard a woman scream and later on another witness described seeing the defendants parked near a river with what appeared to be a black bin bag.
Mr Barwell owned a distinctive blue 1980 Ford Capri at the time of Ms Payne's disappearance.
On the day she vanished, dog-walker Patrick Carter saw a figure hiding in bushes on the wasteland and heard a car engine nearby, the jury were told.
As he walked on he saw a metallic blue Ford Capri and, after passing the vehicle, heard a scream.
"The scream came from the direction of the bushes where he had seen the figure hiding," Mr Smith said. "The prosecution invite you to conclude, that came from Nicola Payne."
The court learned that witness Louise Sambrook, who knew both defendants, saw them next to a blue Capri near the River Sowe.
"Between them, partly on the lip of the boot, was what appeared to Miss Sambrook to be a full black bin bag.
"The prosecution suggest that Miss Sambrook was in fact observing the ground sheet of a tent that contained the body of Nicola Payne."
The trial continues.


Cornwall head coach Graham Dawe says Fiji back row Sam Matavesi has the attributes to be a Premiership player.

The 25-year-old former Plymouth forward plays in the fifth tier for Camborne but has been an integral part of Cornwall's County Championship success.
"He's the full package," Dawe told BBC Radio Cornwall. "He's extremely skilful, knowledgeable and fit but most of all he puts his head where it hurts.
"If I was given the vote I'd give him world player of the year," he joked.
Matavesi's brothers Josh and Joel will both play in the top tier next season, having signed for Newcastle.
He is expected to feature as Cornwall host Hertfordshire in Camborne on Saturday in a game which will see them reach the Twickenham final for a fifth year running if they avoid defeat.
"I've got a massive amount of respect for him," added Dawe. "He could be a Premiership player, couldn't he?
"What the selectors and coaches have done is nothing short of a miracle really, to get these bunch of players together and produce a really homed unit."


A "wicked and monstrous" serial killer who poisoned four young men with lethal doses of a date rape drug has been given a whole life prison term.

Stephen Port, 41, should die in prison, the judge Mr Justice Openshaw said.
The former chef, who was also convicted of a string of sex offences, lured his victims to his flat before plying them with GHB.
Port, who had denied 29 charges in total, was found guilty of the murders after a trial at the Old Bailey.
The killer the police missed
GHB: The killer drug used by Stephen Port
Victim's family "disgusted" by police
Relatives of the victims cheered and clapped as Mr Justice Openshaw told Port he would never be released.
The judge told Port that he had carried out the murders to "satisfy his lust" for sex with young men who were rendered unconscious.
He highlighted Port's attempt to cover up two of his murders with fake suicide notes as "wicked and monstrous".
One fake note planted on the body of a victim alluded to responsibility for another of Port's killings.
Between August 2014 and September 2015, Port murdered Gabriel Kovari, 22, from Lewisham, Daniel Whitworth, 21, from Gravesend, Kent, and Jack Taylor, 25, from Dagenham, east London.
By a majority verdict, the jury also found him guilty of murdering Anthony Walgate, 23, from Dagenham, in June 2014.
The victims met Port via dating websites such as Grindr and were taken to his flat in Barking, east London, for sex.
Their bodies were all found dumped in or near a graveyard within 500m of his home.
During sentencing Mr Justice Openshaw referenced the police investigation into the deaths, which has been criticised by the victims' families.
"It is not for me to say whether the seeming bizarre coincidence of these three gay young men being found dead so close together might have given rise to suspicions that these deaths were not the result of ordinary self-administered drug overdoses," he said.
"The competence and adequacy of the investigation will later be examined by others."
Before the sentence was handed down, statements from the victims' friends and families were read by prosecutor Jonathan Rees QC.
The mother of Mr Walgate said the death of her son had "devastated and broken the family".
Mr Kovari's brother Adam spoke of the difficulty in telling their mother of his death, saying "there is no pain greater than losing a child".
Daniel Whitworth's father Adam said he had been given "a life sentence of grief".
Outside court, Mr Taylor's sister Donna said: "We finally have justice for Jack and the other boys.
"A sick and twisted scumbag will never be able to hurt or destroy any other family's life.
"Jack can finally rest in peace. We will always be completely heartbroken."
Lead investigator Det Ch Insp Tim Duffield said Port was "one of the most dangerous individuals" he had encountered during his 28-year career.
The initial handling of the case has provoked fierce criticism from friends, families and campaigners, who accused police of failing to act on earlier concerns about Port.
It has also emerged that the coroner at Daniel Whitworth's inquest expressed concerns about the suicide note found in his hand, and did not rule out the involvement of another person.
Scotland Yard has admitted it missed "potential opportunities" while investigating the deaths.
The Independent Police Complaints Commission is examining the initial police response to the deaths of the four men.


A "vicious" fox which trapped eight people inside a sports club has become the latest creature to make the news for terrorising humans.

Eight people were stalked by the animal for three hours, and one man who tried to escape the furry captor was forced to fight it off with his bicycle after the fox gave chase.
It joins mischievous peacocks, a violent swan nicknamed Asbo and fugitive felines among the annals of England's animals "gone bad".
Here are some more that made the headlines.
A peacock called Kevin was accused of "making mischief" in Breadsall, Derbyshire, in June 2013.
His antics included trapping someone in the village's memorial hall.
"The person was trying to leave and Kevin wouldn't let them out," said resident Marilyn Balsom.
The villagers tried and failed to find the owners after Kevin turned up out of nowhere.
Two years later, Kevin is still causing trouble in Breadsall, although some villagers have come to love the feathered celebrity.
The Bishops Court Estate in Clyst St Mary, Devon, has also had problems with peacocks, which have been attacking cars by scratching and pecking at the paintwork.
The "jealous" peacocks are thought to be mistaking their reflections for rival birds.
A hungry badger was caught on camera when it sneaked into a house to help itself to a Bakewell tart in Midhurst, West Sussex.
The badger realised it had an audience then made a sharp exit through the kitchen catflap.
But he was not deterred from coming back on subsequent nights, forcing the resident to lock his catflap.
Back in 2003, a rogue badger attacked five people during a 48-hour rampage in Evesham, Worcestershire.
One man required two skin graft operations, and other victims included a man who was attacked as he walked home from a pub.
Oscar the cat gained a reputation after a series of clashes with cats and dogs in the Buckinghamshire village of Wingrave.
His fame then spread when a local newspaper reported the pet had disappeared after being "under curfew" for scratching and biting a neighbour.
He was found 34 miles away in Northampton about three weeks later, kept indoors to restore village harmony and given a herbal remedy to calm him down.
A cockerel called William was served with a noise abatement notice last year - or rather, his owners were - because he was crowing too loudly in Eyam, Derbyshire.
Owner Phillip Sutcliffe said: "Apparently he crows too loud in the morning - he joins the dawn chorus with all the other birds in the area and one person has complained."
Mr Sutcliffe had tried to advertise William for sale and said he might have to kill him if there were no takers.
William's fate is unknown.
A mischievous grey squirrel jumped into a woman's handbag at a pub in Chester and refused to leave - prompting her to call police.
Det Con Nigel Thake, who attended and managed to send the persistent animal on its way, was dubbed "Dr Doolittle" on the police's Twitter account.
A "terrorist" pheasant attacked vehicles and chased cats and dogs at Wood Farm in Hail Weston, Cambridgeshire.
One delivery driver was trapped for 20 minutes after the bird blocked his way, flew at the bonnet then chased his van.
The British Trust for Ornithology said the pheasant was protecting his territory but was "a little extreme".
He later turned up with a hen pheasant and was "tamed by love".
Another pheasant, named Phil, started attacking members of a Shropshire family, forcing one of them to carry a badminton racket for self-defence.
Resolute vegan and animal lover Sally-Ann Hudson started feeding the bird in a failed bid to befriend him.
"He'll just have a go at me then, he'll launch at me, peck my feet or attach himself to my arm and just try to attack me," she said.
Another pheasant started attacking people in the North Yorkshire village of Newsham, with other targets including dogs, prams and cars.
The animal has also chased children from their school bus, and one villager said she was scared to go out.
A postman, who said he was frightened of the bird, described it as "a crackpot".
Theo the cat was responsible for a mini crime spree in Ipswich when he kept stealing items from neighbours' homes, including a phone charger, hand puppet, pen and a child's artwork.
His owners kept finding things around the home that did not belong to them, and had to post photos on Facebook to track down the owners.
Theo then started bringing home Christmas decorations pilfered from neighbours' trees.
The antics of a cat in Luton, called Dennis, have been well-documented on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube.
His owner said Dennis prefers to steal underwear but usually brought home gifts of Christmas wrapping paper - minus the contents - after the big day.
Another cat, Naughty Norris, prowled the Bedminster area, bringing home everything from sports bras and boxer shorts to dishcloths and sausages.
His embarrassed owner, Richard Windsor, wrote an apologetic note to neighbours explaining Norris's behaviour, and inviting them to reclaim their missing items.
A crow repeatedly attacked a mirror sculpture at the University of Leicester, thinking its reflection was another bird.
Scratches began appearing on the sculpture within a day of an exhibition starting, while sixteen other sculptures in the exhibition remained unscathed.
Almuth Tebbenhoff, the exhibition's curator, said: "As its fury escalated it saw its reflection and became more and more aggressive.
"Isn't this how wars start?"
An aggressive swan named Asbo was moved from the River Cam in Cambridge after his aggressive behaviour began to escalate.
In one of many reported attacks on rowers, the swan mounted a scull and capsized the boat.
Dr Philippa Noon, one of the Conservators of the River Cam, said he had started going for bigger boats and they were concerned his legs could be cut off by a motor.
"We are sad to see him go, because he had become a bit of a river character," she said.
Pianist Paul Lewis was forced to pull out of concert after a swooping seagull caused him to injure himself.
He was leaving rehearsals with the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra when he was startled, causing him to fall and sprain a finger.
In Bristol, the opening date of a Wahaca restaurant has been pushed back because seagulls have been pecking and defecating on builders.
Work was forced to stop because of the seagulls, which are thought to be protecting their young.
There have been numerous other reports of seagulls attacking people, with one attack in Folkestone described as like something out of a Hitchcock film.
In Cornwall, postal deliveries were suspended to a road after a delivery woman was attacked by gulls.
One man in Hull said he had been repeatedly targeted by a flock while walking on a cycle path and said they were the most frightening experiences of his life.
He described being followed for about a mile down the road in one incident, and flapping his arms to deter them another time.
Dr Viola Ross-Smith, from the British Trust for Ornithology, said the birds were a protected species defending their nests.
She said gull numbers were increasing in cities due to easy access to food and a lack of predators.
A petition was set up calling for action in Roundway, Wiltshire, where seagulls were said to be attacking people, leaving mess and keeping residents awake.


A woman has hurled flour at the Socialist candidate in the French presidential election, Francois Hollande, at a campaign stop in Paris.

Bodyguards leapt forward to protect the candidate and the assailant was restrained, then carried from the stage by her hands and feet.
Mr Hollande, covered in white, stayed calm during the incident.
It has also emerged that a bullet and threatening letters were sent to French Green presidential candidate Eva Joly.
The bullet was sent last month, campaign manager Stephane Sitbon-Gomez told the French news agency AFP after a report emerged on French radio.
"We get very nationalist letters from the extreme right," he added.
Mr Hollande was speaking at La Porte de Versailles about housing when the woman hurled a bag of flour.
Named as Claire Seguin, from Lille and aged 45, she was heard shouting that she had been denied justice and was being "assassinated by Socialists in Lille", Le Figaro newspaper reports.
A message sent later from Mr Hollande's official Twitter account described the flour attack as an "isolated act which does its author no credit".
"There are other ways of showing one's disagreement. I remain ever open to dialogue."
The first round of the presidential election is to be held on 22 April.
Three opinion polls released this week suggest Mr Hollande will lead the conservative incumbent, Nicolas Sarkozy, into a second round on 6 May - by 31% to 23.5%, according to the latest survey, by polling group Ifop.
Marine Le Pen, the far-right National Front candidate, remains in third place (20% - Ifop) while in fourth is centrist candidate Francois Bayrou, whose support appears to have fallen slightly in recent weeks (12% - Ifop).
Placed fifth is the Left Party's Jean-Luc Melenchon (7.5% - Ifop), followed by Ms Joly with about 3% of the vote.
Mr Sarkozy's old rival, Dominique de Villepin is tipped to come seventh (1% - Ifop).
Ms Joly, who has two bodyguards, was undeterred from campaigning for the election in April, her campaign manager said.
An autobiography of the candidate for the Europe Environment-Greens bloc, who is a former magistrate of Norwegian origin, is being published on Thursday.
"These are the unpleasant hazards of a campaign," Mr Sitbon-Gomez said.
"We don't want to publicise this business or make a drama of it, portraying Eva Joly as a victim.
"We are continuing on our way."
Ms Joly, 68, has reportedly received death threats in the past, notably for her work as an investigative judge, when she handled a corruption case against the oil company Elf Aquitaine in the 1990s.
Born in Norway, she moved to France at the age of 20 as an au pair, marrying and pursuing a career in law.
She has maintained ties with Scandinavia, where she has campaigned against corruption.
In her autobiography, No Cheating, she writes: "I am a Viking going back 20 generations but part of me, of my dreams, struck a chord with France immediately."
After winning the French Green presidential ticket for the first time last summer, she travelled in October to Fukushima to see the aftermath of the Japanese earthquake and nuclear disaster.
She returned "more convinced than ever" that "the nuclear risk was unacceptable".
Environmental politics in France has been dominated in recent years by the future of the country's lucrative nuclear power industry.
In November, the Greens sealed an electoral pact with the Socialists under which the Greens can count on winning more seats in parliament in return for supporting Francois Hollande in the expected second round of the presidential election.
Under the pact, nearly half of France's nuclear power stations will be closed by 2025.
President Sarkozy's government accused the Socialists of sacrificing the nuclear industry in return for short-term electoral advantage.


Manager Russell Slade says Cardiff City believe they have chance to challenge for promotion to the Premier League and "don't want to waste it".

They are one place outside the play-offs after a 2-0 Severnside derby win at Bristol City.
Lex Immers and Stuart O'Keefe struck for the Bluebirds.
"We're trying to keep the momentum going. We believe that we have an opportunity and we don't want to waste it," said Slade.
Cardiff are on the same number of points as sixth placed Sheffield Wednesday, who lost 1-0 at home to Rotherham United.
Slade was happy to receive the applause of Cardiff's fans at Ashton Gate, having often faced criticism since taking over in October, 2014.
Slade also praised the travelling supporters after the win at Ashton Gate.
He said: "I've always said everybody's entitled to their opinion and slowly but surely it's for me to change opinion and work hard at what I'm trying to do.
"It's been a difficult task in the 18 months I've been here, but I think we're starting to turn a corner and make some real progress and the support today, I can only describe as special.
"They were right behind us from the first minute and never stopped.
"Away from home they've been very, very good, but today in a local derby they showed exactly what they're all about."


A woman helped her friend to kill herself in an act of "misguided loyalty", a court has heard.

Emma Crossman, 21, was found dead at her home in Sleaford, Lincolnshire, on 15 January 2014. She had left a suicide note.
Lincoln Crown Court heard Amelia Caller, 22, of Great Hale, near Sleaford, was "obsessed and infatuated" with Miss Crossman.
She denies a charge of encouraging or assisting her friend to commit suicide.
Mark McKone, prosecuting, told the court there was no dispute that the defendant supplied a gas that Miss Crossman used to kill herself.
He said Miss Caller was pleading not guilty on the basis she did not think her friend would take her own life.
Mr McKone said: "The prosecution say that Amelia Caller assisted her in her suicide by supplying her with the... gas in an act of misguided loyalty."
The court heard Miss Crossman had a history of depression, self-harm and tablet overdoses.
Mr McKone said the two women had been close friends since they were teenagers.
The court heard they had exchanged Facebook and text messages discussing suicide.
In one message Miss Caller asked for one last day out together - "best friends having final fun day", Mr McKone said.
Miss Crossman's mother Sharon Parr told the court her daughter had taken an overdose of co-codamol in June 2013 but she thought this was a cry for attention.
She said after her daughter had split up with her boyfriend Emma and Millie "were seeing each other a bit too much".
But Mrs Parr said she did not believe her daughter wanted to die.
"Emma never wanted to die. She didn't," Mrs Parr said.
When asked about her daughter's relationship with Miss Caller she said: "Milly would do anything for her, she didn't even have to ask. Milly would just do it."
The trial is expected to last seven days.


Liberia has a radical plan to hand the running of all primary and nursery schools over to private companies and charities.

Observing a first grade lesson at a primary school on Somalia Drive in the capital, Monrovia, it is easy to see that changes need to be made.
Around 50 pupils are in the crowded classroom, some students have to stand because of a lack of chairs. The teacher is having difficulty being heard over the noise and there are not enough teaching resources.
The country's education system was branded "a mess" in 2013 by President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf after all 25,000 high school graduates that year failed to pass the University of Liberia's entrance examination.
Education Minister George Werner has been looking for a way to make a dramatic change in order to put the country's schools on a par with others in West Africa.
He admits that the education system has been "in a state of decay for the last three decades" as a result of years of conflict and the recent Ebola epidemic. He adds that "this doesn't mean that our children are not bright; [rather] the system is failing them".
He says he realised that a long-term gradual plan with the government in charge was not going to solve the problems.
So in a pilot project starting in September, 50 of the country's 5,000 primary schools are going to be taken over by the Kenya-based company Bridge International Academies.
Education will still be free for the parents, but the government will not be running the schools.
Bridge International Academies, which has 359 schools in Kenya and seven in Uganda, says that "the people of Liberia deserve better" than a system where only a fifth of primary school children finish secondary school.
It says it has already made a difference in Kenya through what it calls its "Academy-in-a-box" model.
Teaching materials are developed centrally and delivered by teachers off a tablet computer. The computers are also used to monitor how teachers and students are progressing, so any issues can be picked up quickly.
Bridge International Academies has published a raft of charts showing how in Kenya its schools out-perform government schools in maths and reading on nearly every measure.
It is easy to see how the education minister may have been persuaded to give the private company a chance, but some Liberian teachers are not convinced.
Joseph Komoreah, who teaches at a Monrovia primary school, called the plan to hand over the country's schools "a shame" as he argues that Liberians need to be in charge of their own education.
He thinks that one of the reasons for schools underperforming is the low salaries teachers are getting, which forces teachers to take up jobs in more than one school "and this is energy-consuming".
"Liberians are qualified," declares his colleague Weah-dee Nyenkan. "Teachers are willing to do the work. We disagree when they say the children are not performing."
In the pilot programme, Liberian teachers will still be in the classroom and their salaries will be paid by the government. But they will be vetted and monitored by Bridge International Academies.
While the government is committed to paying the teachers, it says it is not paying any money to Bridge International Academies for it to take over the schools. The company says it is looking for funding elsewhere.
The plan to hand Liberia's education over to private hands has also angered the UN's Special Rapporteur on the right to education, Kishore Singh.
In March he said that "the concept of education as a public good [was] under attack".
"Provision of public education of good quality is a core function of the state," Mr Singh added. "Abandoning this to the commercial benefit of a private company constitutes a gross violation of the right to education."
But Mr Werner thinks this criticism "misses the mark" and is the result of only talking to the teachers' unions.
He agrees that the state has to guarantee certain things, like the right to a free primary education, however "those who think that the private sector has no role to play in the public provision of education are mistaken. I hope they can change their minds".
The battle to change people's minds will start in September when Bridge International Academies starts teaching its first batch of Liberian pupils.
If that goes well then the government will be looking for a host of private providers to radically change the country's education system.


For the first time in 30 years a new theatre has opened to the public in London's West End.

St James Theatre in Palace Street, Victoria, was built on the site of the former Westminster Theatre which was destroyed by a fire in 2002.
The owners hope the Â£7m complex will attract new audiences and help foster commercial theatre outside the West End.
Bully Boy, a play by comedienne Sandi Toksvig, launches the debut season.
Originally a chapel in 1766, the building was then altered so it could be used as a cinema in 1924 and subsequently converted into a theatre in 1931.
For many years it was owned by the Moral Re-Armament movement which used it to present shows with a moral or spiritual message.
The new complex has a 312-seat main house and a studio space capable of accommodating up to 150 people as well as apartments.
The theatre will be fitted with multi-media broadcast facilities that will be used to show performances on the venue's own BSkyB satellite channel.


Nothing has been found during a fresh search for a County Tyrone man who has been missing for 10 years, police have confirmed.

Gerard Conway was 32 when he was reported missing from his home in Cookstown in February 2007.
Police investigating his disappearance began searching an address at Battery Road, Ardboe, on Wednesday morning as a result of new information.
They said "nothing untoward" was found and the search ended in the afternoon.
The Police Service of Northern Ireland deployed specialist resources to the operation, including victim recovery dogs and a "ground-penetrating radar device".
Speaking earlier, the officer in charge of the investigation, Det Ch Insp Gareth Talbot, said Mr Conway's family were "being kept fully informed" about the operation.
"The search may not yield any results, but we feel it is important to act on this new information," he added.
At the time of his disappearance, it was reported that Mr Conway had bipolar disorder.
The last recorded sighting of him was at a bank in Cookstown on 25 January 2007.
Bank records show he withdrew money from his account and police have since obtained CCTV footage of him at the premises.
People who knew him reported seeing him in late January and early February that year, but he was reported missing by his family on 13 February 2007.
At the time, his mother offered a reward of £100,000 in an attempt to find him.
The PSNI said that despite "extensive" inquiries over a number of years, there are "no clues as to his whereabouts".
Mr Talbot said: "In the immediate aftermath of Gerard's disappearance, there were unconfirmed sightings in the Magherafelt, Toome and Ballymena areas.
"Widespread search activity of the countryside around Cookstown, using dogs and aircraft, was unsuccessful."
The lead detective added that because of the family's connections with the Republic of Ireland, they worked with An Garda Síochána (Irish police) on a cross-border appeal, but it too was unsuccessful.
Mr Talbot said the Conway family had "made their own substantial efforts to locate Gerard and they deserve to know what has happened to him".
The PSNI has repeated an appeal for information about the case.
The missing man is described as 6ft (1.8m) and of medium build.
He had short, dark brown hair; blue eyes and a scar running through his right eyebrow and another above his right eye.


Former Olympian Ron Hill has completed his ambitious goal of running at least a mile a day for 50 years.

Dr Hill, who started to log runs on 20 December 1964, finished Manchester's 5km Heaton Park parkrun earlier.
The 76 year old, who lives in Hyde but grew up in Accrington, Lancashire, has competed in three Olympic Games and has won gold at the Commonwealth Games.
The distance recorded in his log book adds up to 160,000 miles, or running around the world more than six times.
After a "disastrous" Olympics in Tokyo, he said he started running daily to "get the best out of myself".
He said: "Once you get into the habit of it, you just do it. Just get wrapped up and get out the door.
"It's [my] advice to everybody - just start running and within five minutes you're in your stride and probably enjoying it."
Dr Hill was the first British runner to win the Boston marathon. In later years he went into business, setting up a sportswear company.
He set several world records during his career, including a 2:09:28 time at the 1970 Commonwealth Games marathon in Edinburgh.
The organisers of the Heaton Park parkrun said they were "honoured that he has chosen to celebrate this milestone with us".


The BBC has learned there will not be a posthumous appeal against the conviction of the Lockerbie bomber.

The Scottish Criminal Cases Review Commission (SCCRC) has decided to drop its investigation.
It believes members of the family of Abdelbaset al-Megrahi, the only man convicted of the 1988 atrocity, are not actively pursuing the case.
The High Court in Edinburgh had earlier rejected a request by UK relatives for a fresh review.
In a judgment in July 2015, it ruled they could not trigger a fresh examination of the evidence.
SCCRC chairman Jean Couper said: "It is extremely frustrating that the relevant papers, which the commission believes are currently with the late Mr Megrahi's solicitors, Messrs Taylor and Kelly, and with the Megrahi family, have not been forthcoming despite repeated requests from the commission.
"Therefore, and with some regret, we have decided to end the current review.
"It remains open in the future for the matter to be considered again by the commission, but it is unlikely that any future application will be accepted for review unless it is accompanied with the appropriate defence papers.
"This will require the co-operation of the late Mr Megrahi's solicitors and his family"
Abdelbasset al-Megrahi was jailed for life in 2001 for murdering the 270 people who died in the Lockerbie bombing.
He appealed his conviction unsuccessfully once and dropped a second attempt shortly before his release from prison on compassionate grounds.
Following his death in 2012, Dr Jim Swire and some other relatives of the UK victims asked the SCCRC to take a fresh look at the case.
Earlier this year the High Court ruled that the relatives could not trigger a new appeal on their own.
In a statement published on Thursday the board of the commission said "it is not in the interests of justice" to continue the review.
Abdelbasset al-Megrahi, the only man convicted of the Lockerbie bombing, went to his grave protesting his innocence.
Some UK relatives of Lockerbie victims, including Dr Jim Swire, believe he has suffered a miscarriage of justice.
They have been seeking a posthumous appeal.
In July 2015, the High Court decided victims' relatives were not entitled to instruct such a case.
But their request was supported - at least on paper - by members of the Megrahi family.
That kept the possibility of a fresh examination of the evidence open.
The Scottish Criminal Cases Review Commission says it has tried, without success, to get more information from the Megrahis.
The Commission says it now has "little confidence" in the Megrahi family's willingness to cooperate.
On that basis, it has refused the application for a fresh appeal. That does not prevent another request being made in future.
Aamer Anwar, solicitor for the family of Megrahi and some of the victims' relatives, said: "Those who instruct us are deeply disappointed with the commission's decision.
"However, it is hoped that once the security situation improves in Libya we will be able to pursue the SCCRC application in the hope that the Megrahi case is successfully referred back to the Court of Appeal."
Last month Scottish and American investigators were invited to question two new suspects in the case.
Mohammed Abouajela Masud and Abdullah al-Senussi, who are currently serving prison sentences in Libya, were named in an America TV documentary.
Key developments in Lockerbie bombing case


Jeremy Corbyn has suffered the first Commons rebellion of his Labour leadership as 21 of his MPs refused to vote against the government's new economic rules.

The rebellion was smaller than many expected - but is it a sign of things to come for Mr Corbyn?
The vast majority of Labour MPs did not vote for him as leader and some have not held back in their criticism of him and shadow chancellor John McDonnell.
The worry for the Labour leadership is that more will join future rebellions, undermining Mr Corbyn's authority and wrecking his chances of running an effective opposition.
Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell described Wednesday night's vote as political stunt and a trap - designed by Chancellor George Osborne to expose Labour's differences on the economy.
"Moderate" Labour MPs were surprised, and delighted, when Mr McDonnell said last month that he would back Mr Osborne's Charter for Budget Responsibility, which commits future governments to running a surplus in "normal" economic times.
But after studying the small print and "receiving advice" Mr McDonnell changed his mind and ordered Labour MPs to vote against it, saying the move would "underline our position as an anti-austerity party". Mr Osborne's "fiscal charter" would prevent a future Labour government from borrowing to protect public services from cuts.
Mr McDonnell sought to defuse tensions by admitting that he was "embarrassed" by his own U-turn on the issue. telling MPs: "When the circumstances and judgments change it is best to admit to it and change as well."
The overwhelming majority of Labour MPs did as they were told and voted against the charter, as did the SNP, but it will become law anyway, thanks to the government's majority.
There were few surprises in the list of rebels - most are from the right of the party and have previously spoken out against Mr Corbyn's leadership.
Some of his more prominent critics, such as Chuka Umunna and failed leadership contender Yvette Cooper voted with the leadership. This either suggests there is no organised resistance to Mr Corbyn or they are keeping their powder dry for a more substantial issue. Former leader Ed Miliband also supported Mr Corbyn in the vote.
According to The Telegraph, Mr Corbyn threatened to sack shadow ministers who were planning to vote against him - but softened his stance when he realised the scale of the likely rebellion and allowed them to miss the vote.
In total, 37 Labour MPs failed to vote, including 16 whose absence was "authorised".
Frank Field helped Mr Corbyn get on to the leadership ballot to "broaden the debate" despite the fact that he does not agree with his Labour-left brand of politics.
He says Mr Corbyn and Mr McDonnell are as "safe as houses" because there is no "alternative leadership" waiting in the wings of the Parliamentary Labour Party to take over. It is going to be a "bumpy ride" for the pair because they have never held such positions and are doing their learning "in public", he adds.
Explaining his decision to rebel against Mr Corbyn on Wednesday night, Mr Field said: "Labour lost heavily in 2015 because it appeared fiscally irresponsible. Signing up to the Charter matters little one way or the other.
"But it does signify a change in heart by Labour to move towards a balanced budget. That was John McDonnell's original position and he was right. He has, however, given into pressure from the Scottish Labour Party that unless Labour in Westminster made a token stand against the charter, Labour's hopes in Scotland would be further dashed."
Other backbench rebels appear more concerned about what they have called the "chaos" at the top of the party.
Outspoken Rochdale MP Simon Danczuk accused Mr McDonnell of "flipping and flopping" over the fiscal charter.
He told BBC News: "John McDonnell has looked quite shambolic in terms of changing his mind. We need strong leadership. We won't win on a far left prospective, we have to win from the centre ground."
Tristram Hunt is a leading light in Labour for the Common Good, a new group, known at Westminster as "the resistance".
The group was formed when Mr Corbyn's victory began to look inevitable and aims to give a voice to moderate Labour MPs who feel alienated by the party's new direction.
Unlike his fellow Common Good founder Chuka Umunna, Mr Hunt defied the whip last night, as did former shadow chancellor Chris Leslie and Liz Kendall, who was trounced by Mr Corbyn in this summer's leadership contest.
The Common Good group and their supporters insist they are not forming a breakaway party like the SDP in the 1980s and there appears to be little appetite for such a move in the Labour ranks. Mr Corbyn would be wise to keep an eye on these names, however.
The scale of Jeremy Corbyn's victory and the breadth of his support among party members and the thousands who signed up for Â£3 to vote for him make him appear bombproof for now.
The Labour leader's supporters in Parliament, such as shadow international development secretary Diane Abbott, have repeatedly told his critics to "shut up" and respect his mandate.
He can and will appeal to the party members over the heads of his MPs - something that will not always go down well on the Labour benches. At other times he may disagree with his frontbench colleagues, and we will be encouraged to see it as part of a new, more open style of leadership, rather than a "split" or a "rebellion".
But Labour must still set clear policies on which it can fight an election - and Mr Corbyn will need to assert his authority over his party in important Parliamentary votes.


In a world in which everyone can be Googled, it can be hard to escape your worst mistakes.

From disgruntled clients to drunken college antics and vengeful exes, your best-kept secrets are just a click of a mouse away.
The internet means there is a permanent record of everything said about companies and private individuals, both good and bad.
But now a new generation of online reputation managers promises to clean up your record on the web.
The 21st-Century equivalent of a PR consultant, their job is to shape a company or person's web image by promoting the positive and burying the negative.
For a fee, they will monitor what is written about clients and drown out unwanted comments or photographs by creating or sourcing a barrage of positive Google-friendly content.
Clients are typically private companies who want to ensure potential clients get a good first impression of the organisation when they do an online search; or celebrities and private individuals who want to clean up their online personas when going for a new job.
One of those firms specialising in cleaning up your online profile is California-based Reputation Defender.
"Today, every life transaction, hiring, dating, getting insurance, applying for university, is directly affected by a search engine," said the firm's chief executive Michael Fertik.
"You must make sure that people who see your online resume - effectively, the first page of a Google search for your name - see positive, truthful and highly relevant information about you," he added.
Social media consultant Suw Charman-Anderson agreed that what people see and say about you online can have a major impact.
"Whether you are a company or a private individual, no-one can afford to ignore their online reputation," she said.
By the very nature of the internet, people can say pretty much anything about anyone with little in the way of repercussion.
Many posts are written anonymously and hosts are not regarded as legally responsible for what users post on their sites.
This information acts as a "permanent memory" that can come back to haunt people years later.
With search engines getting more powerful and potential employers, clients and partners plugged in to the internet, the whole world can access that potentially damaging information at the touch of a button.
A recent Microsoft study showed that 78% of job recruiters conduct internet background checks on their clients.
What started as a niche market has exploded. There are now many firms offering to improve your online persona. They include Online Reputation Manager, Reputation Hawk, Done! SEO Services and Reputation Management Partners.
While the trend began in America, companies such as Reputation Professor have since been established in the UK.
But not everyone is in favour of manipulating the information available in cyberspace.
Critics say the practice is unethical and dishonest.
"Sometimes a company has bad reviews and it deserves those reviews," said Ms Charman-Anderson.
"If that is the case, those companies would be better off spending their time and money addressing the complaints."
Mike Hughes, a reputation correspondent with Reputation Management Partners (RMP), insists that they screen all potential clients.
"If you are an unethical company then we don't want to work with you," said Mr Hughes.
"Often clients come to us when a competitor has gone online and posted a bad report about them to try to damage their business."
The company's fees range from $100 (Â£64) a month for a private client or small business to up to $250,000 (Â£160,000) for large corporations with many employees and products to manage.
Elsewhere prices vary from as little as $10 to as much as $30,000 a month according to the complexity of the case.
Typically it takes six months to clean up a client's online persona.
Online reputation managers work by pushing offending material down off the first couple of pages of search results - research shows 90% of users don't look past the first page.
Clients of Done! SEO Services include a businessman in his 40s who was convicted of a drink driving offence in his teens.
He approached the company because references to the incident were still coming up in Google searches of his name, affecting his professional reputation.
"In a case like that we can really make a difference. But if there's an intrinsic problem with a company or a product and a lot of people are posting negative comments then it becomes very difficult, even impossible, to mount a campaign," says Christian Neeser, director of search engine optimisation at Done! SEO Services.
In some instances, online reputation managers will approach the host of the offending material and ask that specific content is destroyed.
The removal of content varies from polite requests to remove the offending items to lawyers' letters.
Though this approach is generally cheaper, it can make the problem worse by antagonising the person who posted the original criticism or complaint.
Susan Alpert runs her own catering firm. She recently had her online persona detoxed after an ex-boyfriend turned nasty and started anonymously posting negative information about her company online.
"I'm just starting out in business, I can't afford to have people reading bad stuff about me before they've even met me," says Ms Alpert.
Six weeks since she hired an online reputation manager, she is pleased with the results. But, with her ex-boyfriend continuing to post, she fears the service could end up costing her a lot of money in the long run.
And in the world of online reputation recovery, there are no guarantees.
Experts advise individuals and companies to take a pro-active approach.
Instead of sitting back and waiting for others to create an online reputation for you, they recommend regularly taking to the web to trumpet your own achievements.
Said Ms Hughes: "When it comes to your online reputation, there's no such thing as too positive."


Foo Fighters star Dave Grohl is thought to have broken his leg after falling off the stage during a concert in Gothenburg, Sweden.

The band were two songs into their set at the Ullevi stadium when the singer went to jump on a ramp but missed and fell into the security area.
"I think I just broke my leg," Grohl told the crowd as he lay on the ground.
"I'm going to go to hospital. I'm going to fix my leg. And then I'm going to come back."
He added: "You have my promise right now that the Foo Fighters - we're going to come back and finish the show."
Eyewitnesses told the BBC that the band continued the concert, playing cover versions whilst Grohl sought medical attention.
Keiron Brennan 43, from London, filmed the moments just after the 46-year-old frontman toppled from the stage.
He said: "We were only around 200 yards away and at first we thought it was a prank but then it became apparent that it was quite serious. The drummer went ashen and jumped down to see where he was. Everyone was worried as we were only two songs into the gig and we couldn't see what had happened to him.
"He reappeared after an hour to continue the concert, sitting in a chair with his leg bandaged.
"It was surreal to see him perform on stage with a medic holding his leg. The crowd was just amazed that he was carrying on. He was just phenomenal.  I can't see how he will make the next gig in Holland but then he's more of a man than I am so I wouldn't put it past him," he added.
Grohl fell at 21:00 local time (20:00 BST) and went on to perform for another two-and-a-half hours.
His band later tweeted a picture of what appears to be an x-ray of his leg.
The Foo Fighters are due to play their next concert on Sunday at the Pinkpop festival in the Netherlands, followed by two dates at Wembley Stadium in London next weekend and then a headline set at the Glastonbury Festival on 26 June.
A statement on the Wembley website said: "We are aware of the incident last night involving Dave Grohl and are in contact with the event organisers, who at this stage have no further information.
"As soon as we have news from the artiste this will be made public."
This year has seen several musicians injured on stage.
Florence Welch of Florence and the Machine broke her foot leaping off stage at the Coachella Music Festival in April, while U2 guitarist The Edge misjudged his step and fell off the stage during the opening night of the band's Innocence and Experience tour.
Madonna also fell off stage during a live performance at the Brit Awards. The pop star continued her performance, but said she suffered "a little bit of whiplash".


Gower AM Edwina Hart and Neath AM Gwenda Thomas are to stand down at the 2016 assembly election.

Currently economy and transport minister, Mrs Hart's previous posts included local government and health.
Mrs Thomas has been deputy social services minister, chaired committees and led a safeguarding children review.
The announcements follow news that Labour Llanelli AM Keith Davies is also leaving Cardiff Bay next year.
All three AMs are expected to tell their constituency Labour parties of their decision to stand down on Friday evening.
Mrs Hart said it had been an "honour and a privilege" to serve her constituency for 16 years.
"I am very grateful for the support they have given me during this time, and I will continue to represent their views vigorously until the end of the assembly term next year," she added.
Mrs Thomas said: "It has been a privilege to be part of Wales' political journey, but most of all, I am happy to have had the chance to work for communities I love and call home."
First Minister Carwyn Jones paid tribute to the women, and added: "I know that for both Gwenda and Edwina, representing their 'home' areas was incredibly important to them - and both Neath and Gower are losing very talented and passionate advocates."
A major figure on the Welsh political scene, Mrs Hart showed leadership when she took the decision to dramatically shrink the number of health boards in 2008, just five years after a previous reorganisation under a predecessor.
But she lost out to Carwyn Jones in the battle for Welsh Labour's top job a year later.
More recently, she has been at the centre of a major row over plans for an M4 relief road, the decision on which will now be taken by another minister after the election.
The announcement by Mrs Hart that she is leaving the Senedd follows a shock general election result in her Gower constituency.
Labour lost a seat it had held for more than a century to the Conservatives.
Also an AM since the assembly's creation in 1999, Mrs Thomas has been regarded as a strong voice for her Neath constituency, offering support to the local community at the time of the Gleision mine disaster.
As a deputy minister, she steered a major piece of legislation overhauling social services through the assembly and also chaired the housing and equal opportunities committees.
The departure of Mrs Hart and Mrs Thomas from Cardiff Bay, in addition to Mr Davies, means the Labour benches in the Senedd will look rather different in 2016, regardless of the outcome of the assembly poll.