[Question]
  [
Bonjour, PPCG ! Quelle heure est-il ? This means what time is it in French, for that is exactly what this challenge is about.
Telling time in French (at least formally) is a bit different from telling time in English. Telling the time starts out with *Il est* (It is). Then, you put the hour followed by *heures* (o'clock). (In case you don't know French numbers, here's a list: <http://blogs.transparent.com/french/french-numbers-learn-how-to-count-from-1-to-1000/>). If it is 1 o'clock, do *une heure* for this. For noon, use *midi* (with no heures), and for midnight use *minuit*. 
Unless the minutes is 00, you then follow it with the number of minutes. There are a few exceptions to this however. For 15 minutes, you want to say *et quart*, and for 30 minutes you want to say *et demi*. For anything after 30 minutes, you increase the hour number by one, then add the word *moins* and 60 - the minutes. So 6:40 P.M is *Il est sept heures moins vingt* (vingt = 20). 45 minutes would be *moins le quart*.
Finally, you end it with the time of day. For the morning (1 A.M to 12 P.M), you say *du matin*. For the afternoon (subjective, but I'll define it as 1 P.M to 5 P.M), you say *de l'apres-midi* (technically there should be an accent above the e, but eh). And for night (5 P.M to 12 A.M) you say *du soir*. Note that for midnight and noon (*minuit* and *midi*) you don't put any of these afterwards -- the time of day is implied based on which one you use.
As you've probably already ascertained, the challenge here is to print out the current local time in French using these rules. Here's what sample output should look like at assorted times. (The time in the parenthesis does not have to be printed obviously, it's just there so you know what times are):
```
Il est sept heures du matin. (7:00 A.M)
Il est deux heures de l'apres-midi. (2:00 P.M)
Il est une heure du matin. (1:00 A.M)
Il est huit heures du soir. (8:00 P.M)
Il est midi. (12:00 P.M, Noon)
Il est minuit. (12:00 A.M, Midnight)
Il est cinq heures vingt du soir. (5:20 P.M)
Il est six heures et quart du matin. (6:15 A.M)
Il est neuf heures et demi du matin. (9:30 A.M)
Il est quatre heures moins dix de l'apres-midi. (3:50 P.M, not 4:50!)
Il est midi moins le quart. (11:45 A.M)
```
This is code-golf, so shortest code wins. Good luck!
EDIT: The period is required.
  
[Answer]
## PHP - ~~521~~ 473 bytes
I've added some newlines for readability: 
```
$w=split(A,'AuneAdeuxAtroisAquatreAcinqAsixAseptAhuitAneufAdixAonzeAdouzeAtreizeA
quatorzeAAseizeAdix-septAdix-huitAdix-neufAvingtAvingt et une');$h=idate('H');if(
$r=($m=idate('i'))>30){$h=++$h%24;$m=60-$m;}echo'Il est '.($h?$h==12?midi:$w[$h%12]
.' heure'.($h%12<2?'':s):minuit).($r?' moins':'').($m==15?($r?' le ':' et ').quart
:($m==30?' et demi':($m?' '.($m<22?$w[$m]:"$w[20]-".$w[$m%10]):''))).($h%12?($h-=$r
)<12?' du matin':($h<17?" de l'après-midi":' du soir'):'').'.';
```
The method used to converting a number to its numeral in French is inspired by [this answer on an other challenge](https://codegolf.stackexchange.com/a/35483/11713) by [edc65](https://codegolf.stackexchange.com/users/21348/edc65).
Here is the ungolfed version:
```
/** Define numerals **/
$numerals = [
    '', 'une', 'deux', 'trois', 'quatre',
    'cinq', 'six', 'sept', 'huit', 'neuf',
    'dix', 'onze', 'douze', 'treize', 'quatorze',
    '', 'seize', 'dix-sept', 'dix-huit', 'dix-neuf',
    'vingt', 'vingt et une'
];
/** Get current time **/
$hours = idate('H');
$minutes = idate('i');
/** Check if we need to count in reverse **/
$reverse = $minutes > 30;
if ($reverse) {
    $hours = ($hours + 1) % 24;
    $minutes = 60 - $minutes;
}
echo 'Il est ';
/** Print hours **/
if ($hours === 12) {
    echo 'midi';
}
else if ($hours === 0) {
    echo 'minuit';
}
else
{
    echo $numerals[$hours % 12] .' heure';
    if ($hours % 12 !== 1) {
        echo 's';
    }
}
/** Print minutes **/
if ($reverse) {
    echo ' moins';
}
if ($minutes === 15)
{
    if ($reverse) {
        echo ' le ';
    }
    else {
        echo ' et ';
    }
    echo 'quart';
}
else if ($minutes === 30) {
    echo ' et demi';
}
else if ($minutes !== 0)
{
    echo ' ';
    if ($minutes < 22) {
        echo $numerals[$minutes];
    }
    else {
        echo $numerals[20] .'-'. $numerals[$minutes % 10];
    }
}
/** Print daytime **/
if ($hours % 12 !== 0)
{
    if ($reverse) {
        --$hours;
    }
    if ($hours < 12) {
        echo ' du matin';
    }
    else if ($hours < 17) {
        echo " de l'après-midi";
    }
    else {
        echo ' du soir';
    }
}
echo '.';
```
[Answer]
# Python 3, ~~586~~ ~~547~~ ~~556~~ ~~506~~ ~~505~~ ~~502~~ ~~498~~ ~~497~~ 493 Bytes
My first attempt at golfing anything. I’m really not sure about the way I choose, especially the `n` list. But I wanted to give it a try.
```
from datetime import*;t=datetime.now()
n='/une/deux/trois/quatre/cinq/six/sept/huit/neuf/dix/onze/douze/treize/quatorze/et quart/seize/dix-sept/dix-huit/dix-neuf/vingt//et demi'.split('/')
n[21:22]=['vingt-'+i for i in['et-une']+n[2:10]]
h,m=t.hour,t.minute;s=h//12;h%=12
e=' d'+('u matin',("e l'après-midi","u soir")[h>4])[s]
try:m=' '[:m]+n[m]
except:m=' moins '+(n[60-m],'le quart')[m==45];h+=1
e,h=('',e,('minuit','midi')[h//12^s],n[h]+' heures'[:h+5])[h%12>0::2]
print('Il est',h+m+e+'.')
```
Ungolfed:
```
from datetime import datetime
time = datetime.now()
numbers = [
    '', 'une', 'deux', 'trois', 'quatre',
    'cinq', 'six', 'sept', 'huit', 'neuf',
    'dix', 'onze', 'douze', 'treize', 'quatorze',
    'et quart', 'seize', 'dix-sept', 'dix-huit', 'dix-neuf',
    'vingt', 'vingt-et-une', 'vingt-deux', 'vingt-trois', 'vingt-quatre',
    'vingt-cinq', 'vingt-six', 'vingt-sept', 'vingt-huit', 'vingt-neuf',
    'et demi']
status, hour = divmod(time.hour, 12)
if status:
    ending = " du soir" if h>4 else " de l’après-midi"
else:
    ending = " du matin"
try:
    if not time.minute:
        minutes = ""
    else:
        minutes = " " + numbers[time.minute]
except IndexError:
    hour += 1
    if time.minute == 45:
        minutes = " moins le quart"
    else:
        minutes = " moins " + numbers[60 - time.minute]
if hour%12:    # 'whole' hours
    hours = numbers[hour] + " heures"
    if hour == 1:
        # removing extra 's'
        hours = hours[:-1]
else:          # midnight or noon
    ending = ""
    if (hour == 12 and status) or (hour == 0 and status == 0):
        hours = "minuit"
    else:
        hours = "midi"
print('Il est', hours + minutes + ending + '.')
```
[Answer]
# Javascript (ES6), ~~506~~ 495 bytes
Edit: Compressed `a` to save a few bytes.
```
a=`
un
j
k
yre
h
six
w
v
p}
onldoultreilyorl
seize}-w}-v}-p~~ et un{j{k{yre{h{six{w{v{p
et demi`,[...`hjklpvwy{}~`].map((x,w)=>a=a.split(x).join(`cinq|deux|trois|ze
|neuf|huit|sept|quat|~-|
dix|
vingt`.split`|`[w])),a=a.split`
`,alert(`Il est ${(e=(d=((b=(z=new Date).getHours())+(y=(c=z.getMinutes())>30))%24)%12)?a[e]+` heure${e-1?"s":""}`:d?'midi':'minuit'} ${y?"moins ":""}${y?c-45?a[60-c]:'le quart':c-15?a[c]:'et quart'}${e?[' du matin'," de l'apres-midi",' du soir'][(b>12)+(b>16)]:""}.`)
```
Explanation:
```
a = 'compressed string of french numbers with 'et demi' for 30 and 15 removed';
a = // code that decompresses a
// a,b,c,d,e,y,z are all inlined into the first expression that uses them
z = new Date();
b = z.getHours();
c = z.getMinutes();
y = c > 30; // true if 60 - minutes, false otherwise
d = (b + y) % 24; // the next hour if y
e = d % 12; // is it not noon and not midnight?
alert(
    "Il est " +
    // add the hour
    // if d is not 0 or 12, add d + 'heure(s)'
    (e ? a[e] + ` heure${e-1?"s":""}` : d ? 'midi' : 'minuit') +
    " " +
    (y ? "moins " : "") + // add 'moins' if necessary
    ( // add the minute
      y? // necessary to subtract from 60?
        c-45?
          a[60-c] // add normal number word
          :'le quart' // handle special case for 45
        :c-15?
          a[c] // add normal word
          :'et quart' // handle special case for 15
    ) +
    ( // select appropriate ending
      e? // is it not noon and not midnight?
        // create array of endings
        [" du matin"," de l'apres-midi"," du soir"]
          // selects item 0 if b in [0, 12], item 1 if b in [13, 16] and item 2 if b > 16
          [(b > 12) + (b > 16)]
        :"" // if it's noon or midnight, no ending is necessary
    ) +
    "." // add period
)
```
[Answer]
# **C, ~~860 835~~ 794 bytes**
Absolutely horrendous, but can probably be made even shorter. Many newlines were added for formatting purposes on this site. The actual source code has newlines after the #includes and #defines, but everything starting from char\* to the last w(".\n");} are all in one line. I shortened it by removing the values from 22,...,29 in the string array, instead reusing the strings for 2,...,9 and prepending a "vingt-" when appropriate. (I really hope I didn't introduce a bug!)
```
#include <sys/time.h>
#define w printf
#define q tm_min
#define r tm_hour
char*a[]={"minuit","une","deux","trois","quatre","cinq","six","sept","huit","neuf","dix",
"onze","douze","treize","quatorze","quart","seize","dix-sept","dix-huit","dix-
neuf","vingt","vingt-et-une",0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,"demi"};
h=1,s=1,m,e,l,t,p,o,v;struct tm j;
main(){struct timeval i;gettimeofday(&i,0);localtime_r(&i.tv_sec,&j);
j.q>30?m=1,++j.r,j.q=60-j.q:j.q==15||j.q==30?e=1:0;j.q>21&&j.q<30?v=1:0;
j.r%12?j.r<12?t=1:j.r-m<17?p=1:(o=1):0;
j.q==15&&m?l=1:0;j.r%12?j.r%12==1?s=0:0:(h=0,s=0);
w("Il est ");j.r==12?w("midi"):w("%s",a[j.r%12]);h?w(" heure"):0;s?w("s"):0;
m?w(" moins"):0;e?w(" et"):0;l?w(" le"):0;
j.q?v?w(" vingt-"):w(" "),w("%s",a[j.q-20*v]):0;
t?w(" du matin"):p?w(" de l'apres-midi"):o?w(" du soir"):0;w(".\n");}
```
Like this:
```
#include <sys/time.h>
#define w printf
#define q tm_min
#define r tm_hour
char*a[]={"minuit","une","deux","trois","quatre","cinq","six","sept","huit","neuf","dix","onze","douze","treize","quatorze","quart","seize","dix-sept","dix-huit","dix-neuf","vingt","vingt-et-une",0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,"demi"};h=1,s=1,m,e,l,t,p,o,v;struct tm j;main(){struct timeval i;gettimeofday(&i,0);localtime_r(&i.tv_sec,&j);j.q>30?m=1,++j.r,j.q=60-j.q:j.q==15||j.q==30?e=1:0;j.q>21&&j.q<30?v=1:0;j.r%12?j.r<12?t=1:j.r-m<17?p=1:(o=1):0;j.q==15&&m?l=1:0;j.r%12?j.r%12==1?s=0:0:(h=0,s=0);w("Il est ");j.r==12?w("midi"):w("%s",a[j.r%12]);h?w(" heure"):0;s?w("s"):0;m?w(" moins"):0;e?w(" et"):0;l?w(" le"):0;j.q?v?w(" vingt-"):w(" "),w("%s",a[j.q-20*v]):0;t?w(" du matin"):p?w(" de l'apres-midi"):o?w(" du soir"):0;w(".\n");}
```
Ungolfed version, with no "space optimizations" (also pretty ugly):
```
#include <stdio.h>
#include <string.h>
#include <time.h>
#include <sys/time.h>
int main(int argc, char *argv[])
{
        struct timeval tv;
        struct tm local_time;
        char *nums[] = {"minuit", "une", "deux", "trois", "quatre", "cinq", "six", "sept", "huit", "neuf", "dix", "onze", "douze", "treize", "quatorze", "quart", "seize", "dix-sept", "dix-huit", "dix-neuf", "vingt", "vingt-et-une", "vingt-deux", "vingt-trois", "vingt-quatre", "vingt-cinq", "vingt-six", "vingt-sept", "vingt-huit", "vingt-neuf", "demi"};
        int heure = 1;
        int s = 1;
        int moins = 0;
        int et = 0;
        int le = 0;
        int matin = 0, aprem = 0, soir = 0;
        memset(&local_time, 0, sizeof local_time);
        gettimeofday(&tv, NULL);
        localtime_r(&tv.tv_sec, &local_time);
#if 0
        local_time.tm_min = atoi(argv[1]);
        local_time.tm_hour = atoi(argv[2]);
#endif
        if (local_time.tm_min > 30) {
                moins = 1;
                local_time.tm_hour += 1;
                local_time.tm_min = 60 - local_time.tm_min;
        } else if (local_time.tm_min == 15 || local_time.tm_min == 30) {
                et = 1;
        }
        if (local_time.tm_hour % 12) {
                if (local_time.tm_hour < 12)
                        matin = 1;
                else if (local_time.tm_hour < 17)
                        aprem = 1;
                else if (local_time.tm_hour == 17 && moins)
                        aprem = 1;
                else
                        soir = 1;
        }
        if (local_time.tm_min == 15 && moins)
                le = 1;
        if (local_time.tm_hour % 12 == 0) {
                heure = 0;
                s = 0;
        } else if (local_time.tm_hour % 12 == 1) {
                s = 0;
        }
        printf("Il est ");
        if (local_time.tm_hour == 12)
                printf("midi");
        else
                printf("%s", nums[local_time.tm_hour % 12]);
        if (heure)
                printf(" heure");
        if (s)
                printf("s");
        if (moins)
                printf(" moins");
        if (et)
                printf(" et");
        if (le)
                printf(" le");
        if (local_time.tm_min)
                printf(" %s", nums[local_time.tm_min]);
        if (matin)
                printf(" du matin");
        else if (aprem)
                printf(" de l'apres-midi");
        else if (soir)
                printf(" du soir");
        printf(".\n");
        return 0;
}
```
(The #if 0 stuff was just for testing different time values through the command-line).
]