Shame is often at the core of depression and addiction. Shame is the feeling that we are fundamentally bad. Shame encourages us to hide. The best antidote to shame is to talk about it.
Shame is the underbelly of one’s emotional world. It is usually the deepest layer of a person’s emotional pain, and is difficult to access because it is buried deep inside and often not rational. A lot of emotional strength is required to deal with shame. This is because shame burns. It is painful!
If you feel that you are okay, you will feel solid and like you are enough. You have integrity. You feel reliable. If you feel ashamed and worthless, you will likely try to compensate for this, which will make you less solid and reliable. You don’t trust yourself. Shame management is called for.
There are two basic ways to mobilize shame: First, connect with the deep pain of shame and cry. Secondly, you can work with the fiery energy of defense or anger to fight for your worth. This part usually comes before the actual feelings of grief over how ashamed and worthless you feel.